Relationship and Love

We are seekers of permanent love, relationships, friendships and what not. We expect that our loved ones will love us forever without any change in the temperament of their emotions; that the relationship will remain healthy forever with no damage whatsoever; and that our partners will not look elsewhere for fulfilling their emotional, physical or spiritual needs.

But the reality is exactly the opposite. Our dearest of friends, intimate partners and even siblings can become indifferent to us or make unexpected departures from our lives.

Who knows what the future holds!

Yet we remain deeply attached to our relationships. This attachment is nothing but a slavery. We call it love. It is not. It is our conveniences disguised as love. Marriages and relationships are merely existing for the conveniences of the partners, not for their individual evolution.

Love is free, relationships are not. They don’t allow us to move freely, rather obstruct our ways towards freedom, whereas love frees an individual.

The moment we realise that the relationship is not serving the purpose of individual evolution, it is time to contemplate. The term ‘relationship’ comes from a phrase ‘to relate’. When two individuals can not relate to each other with an open mind, it brings the death of the relationship closer. Both the individuals may carry on with the relationship pretending to be together, but the essence is missing. Relationship then remains at the surface level. Romance may happen, laughter may be there, but something deeper is missing.

We do everything to control our partners. Our insecurities are deep rooted. With the slightest amount of insecurity within, can we love totally? How can one love completely with having a fear of losing the love? It is impossible.

We do not want to work on those fears, rather we choose to enforce our fears on our partners. They, out of their concern for us, often, give up. They deliberately let go of their potential of evolution. This is where our relationships are becoming toxic and suicidal.

We need to have great emotional intelligence to let the other be free. We need to look at our own fear which results in possessiveness. Love is about loving unconditionally thereby helping the partner to grow towards ultimate human potential. Love isn’t about cutting the wings of the other in the order of our own expectations.

Our love is not love. It is a self-created illusion born out of our fear which we call love.

Love is when there is no ‘I’.

Love is impossible till we are entrenched in hollow physical togetherness without any soul in it.

Perhaps we are not looking for love. We do not have the courage to pursue it. We are fine with our conveniences.

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Desires

Looking deeply within, I find the reasons of suffering are nothing but the desires of a million kinds. These desires are like unseen sink holes. Mind is busy creating new desires everyday and falling into the self-made trap from which it finds difficult to save itself.

Desires are of many kinds. The most powerful ones are of sex, money and power. The more we get close to them, the less it is. We spend our lifetimes pursuing these desires.

Unless we are really aware of the hollowness of these desires, we shall continue live in perils.

Love is not enough

Being in love is an entirely different feeling! The world looks beautiful then. Really! But when we live together, it’s a different story altogether again!

And then only love is not enough. Understanding becomes the key. Not love. Compassion is important than passion. A moment comes when we don’t agree with our partners and we feel enraged. The need is to calm down then and there. It is not important to prove ourselves right in the very moments of an argument.

What is required is a calm mind who calms the other.

Love isn’t easy

I love a woman. I love everything about her. She is one of a kind. Adorable and beautiful inside out.

The above words are true. She is indeed one of the most beautiful women. My journey with her has been like a transformation of a soul. She has been the spark of my life. Her love has healed my deepest being. She made my inner world joyful.

For the first few months we lived in two different cities in the complete opposite direction of the countryland. She lived in the west and I, in the east. It took a day and a half via train to see each other. Six months passed. The wait and distance were no longer acceptable to either of us. We decided to stay together. No. We didn’t decide to get married.

A month later, we finally met in another city larger than both of our cities together. Nothing was more beautiful for us than the presence of the other. We didn’t have much money. Neither we were jobholders. We didn’t have a house to live in the new city. All we had was a passion to change the world. Before we came to the new city, we had decided against to take up jobs. Rather we set our hearts upon to build a social campaign in the entire country. We were those fearless souls who were crazy enough to walk the roads less travelled even without enough resources for their own sustainance. We just didn’t care and believed that we shall find a way towards our dreams.

She had registered an organization a few years back under which the project was to be set off. Whenever you start something of your own, all you do is you take risk. Our risk was even riskier.

In our early days in the new city, as we didn’t have any permanent address, we managed with temporary solutions. Shifted to four different make-shift arrangements in just two weeks before we finally got a flat for a month. We were relieved. It was tough to be like that. Especially for her. One of the arrangements was a basement of a building converted into office. The management of the organization were kind enough to let us use their space for a few days. It is easier for a man to adjust in public places with no real basic amenities in place. The office had a bathroom too small to even stand perfectly, let alone bathing space. But looking at our situation, she managed without any complains. I was humbled with her will and patience. It is not acceptable for the society in India to see an unmarried couple living together freely. Especially most men can’t tolerate a woman’s freedom. She faced the ire of a man at the same office who criticised her with his male-dominated mindset. She answered him assertively but didn’t complain about the same to the management and asked me not to do the same. She didn’t want any damage to organization.

In a matter of few days, we shifted to a dream house at one of the posh localities of the city. We forgot all the suffering of the past. Even though that house was allotted to us for a month, we had found life back! It was beyond our expectations!

We restarted our lives. And this was the most amazing moments! We actually started to live together under a single roof. It wouldn’t have happened so early if we wouldn’t have taken the risk. We decided to keep looking for rented houses so that we could move safely after a month. In the meantime, we also needed to put our strategies about the campaign in place. We realized the urgency of time. We wanted to build a campaign that will inspire millions.

But it was also a time when we, for the first time, had come together to live life with each other. It was our intense desire to live together that had come true. We, at times, were lost in the presence of each other. In love, we forgot the world around us.

But what waiting for us was completely unexpected.

As we moved ahead, I became more involved in the project. She wasn’t. She remained aloof mostly and expected a normal life for herself filled with quality time with me. I somehow couldn’t reciprocate thanks to my deeper engagement with the project which demanded our attention more than any normal job. It was not just a job of course, it was a dream ee were building! In the days to come, I didn’t really think of finding any time for both of us and all that I was doing was working, working and working.

But she knew that we needed to take some time out for ourselves, and she often demanded so. She showed her concern over my lack of time management for personal and professional life. I did understand the same. I did whatever I could. From washing clothes to cooking food..from massaging her body to healing her being in the morning with silently sitting together besides in the sun with a cup of tea. But she wasn’t really satisfied with my efforts. She was right. In those 45 days that we lived in that city, we didn’t go out anywhere. We failed to meet new people, we hardly moved out of the house. I don’t know why I didn’t take any initiative at all. I don’t know why I was so very engrossed in the project that I couldn’t even see the beauty of life many a times, that I couldn’t feel the magical presence of a woman around me! I am not actually like that. In these times, we loved deeply, but we fought vehemently too. We argued like we expected we never would. We saw the other side of each other then. She loved me and I loved her, but what we lacked was understanding. And then, we had just began to live together.

A month passed and we shifted to yet another city. Reaching the new city, we were happy with the support we recieved from people. Here, we didn’t live together as we had to stay at different locations. This was because we didn’t have enough funds to settle in a rented flat. Life took another turn. We were coming closer to our days of action. We labored hard…day in..day out, without pause. 

One of the biggest challenge was lack of funds. In any big city today, one needs at least 300 to 400 bucks per day expenses. We stretched hard. Those people who we thought would support us financially in our journey towards social change, did not. We made blunders of depending upon them. We looked for sponsors for our campaign, but it seemed our efforts were not enough. Work pressure was affecting both of us too. But if we had found time for ourselves, we could have handled the pressure better. In other words, being workaholic affected us both only because we didn’t find time for ourselves. Conflict between us grew. Rather than simplifying our lives, we complicated it all more. Rather than understanding more, we expected too much from each other. Failed expectations generally lead to resentments.

We were the sailors of two boats simultaneously, new found togetherness and the dream of the project. Clashes were obvious. Priorities remained in deep confusion.

Since a year, she was suffering from backache which became severe due to constant movement in a month’s time we were here. It was so hard for her that she had to leave the city to take immediate medication. I prayed for her faster recovery as she boarded the train to her home city.

Suddenly we both were left alone in our aloneness. She, out of the blue,  forced by bodily pain, found herself far away from the dream and remained constant agony at her home. I, without her, began to gather courage to build the campaign alone. This turn of life made us learn to stay prepared for the unexpected storms. I didn’t really know how to cope with the pressure. I imagined how she must be living!

Yet, we carried on. We were like warriors at war. May whatever comes, we shall never give up. Today, it’s been more than two months and she is still on treatment. Doctors have suggested complete rest. It’s the 5th month of our trial to build up the campaign. In the face of conflicts, we just kept ourselves in hope that a new morning will come. Personal and professional lives are two different facets of life. Even though we are building an organization of our own which takes more than 12-16 hours of our day, we still needed to find time for ourselves, at least once in a week.

We have been going through the roughest roads. Even today, we are standing on one. Yes, we are shaken from within, but, we aren’t broken…we haven’t given up on ‘hope’. Even though we have only two months left for the campaign, we are powerully building ourselves to make a difference in the society we live in.

We don’t want to end up knowing that we didn’t even try.

We are hopeful that we shall find donors for our campaign soon.

Love isn’t easy. It’s far too difficult that we can imagine. But that is to make us grow. It is the best time because there is somebody to tell us what our flaws are. All we need is patience with each other. With all it’s thorny sides, love is worth living for.

♥ ♥