It’s been months now. To have seen her. Feel her. Hug her. Kiss her.
Life is testing us since half a year. She has been at the receiving end. With her severe backache, she is at her home taking the treatment and I am looking for a job. Thanks to scarcity of funds, we can’t meet. We are in debt too. We just took risks with the last project we did. Nothing’s wrong with that. That is important for growth. Without risks, we are dead souls. Yet, this risk got us into trouble. We never knew it would take a toll on her health.
This is the time when she needs me more and the vice versa. Yet, we are far away from each other. In India, it feels like a continent to travel from southern part of the country to the west.
Yet, she hasn’t lost courage. She inspires me, often, to face it all with humility. That makes her adorable, just irresistible. She is a woman.
I miss her.
What do we do when are completely broken?
We all cry. We should. In India, there’s a quote for men,’Mard ko dard nahin hota’ – which means men can’t feel the pain. It is a conditioning jargon to build the men stronger mentally. The boys when they cry in the childhood are subjected to scrutiny by their families and friends alike. And they grow up suppressing emotional outburst or crying in the corners of the room when alone. Because they will be deemed weak if found weeping. Now that act is reserved for only women which is really pathetic.
But I don’t care if people tell me I am behaving like a women. I cry till I can. Because that’s purely a biological process of our body. Because it is important to express ourself completely in this form which helps us calm down. Suppressing is never an option.
It’s true that it gets really terrible at times when we face challenges. They feel like larger than life. They dominate us so hard and sort of break us from within. Nothing wrong with that too. From chaos comes order. Let that heart say it loud for how it feels. Only then there can be a possibilty of true healing process.
When we are broken, the most significant aspect is that we must slowly get ourselves back in order. To have the courage to believe in ourselves. Forgive ourselves and the world. Learn the lesson. Collect the broken pieces one by one. Sew them again, with love for oursleves, our partner(s) and the world.
This time, more stronger than before.